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Wii accessories - because motion simulation just isn't enough

Given the dangerous levels of idiots combining Wii ownership and money, it's no surprise game developers are clamouring to make shoddy games

Article written by Jack Charles Adams [jack]
Published in Gaming at 17:35 on Friday, 28th August 2009

The Nintendo Wii is selling like bags of sweets in Gary Glitter's local cornershop and part of its appeal is the barrier to entry - or, rather, the lack of. You don't need to know how to use analogue sticks, you don't need to know the difference between the 'right bumper' and the 'right trigger' or what "turbo fire" could possibly mean - you can just wave around a "remote" (which sounds a bit more familiar than 'controller' - you know all about remote controls don't you, you lazy Westerner - and a little less euphemistic than 'joypad'). Playing a tennis game? Just swing the remote just like you do in real life see people on the TV doing in real life! Not only does this expose a much wider, casual market to the Wii that hadn't bothered with CoMpUtEr GaMeZ before, but with this new demographic came new game opportunities: casual games, for casual gamers.

The amazing Wii Fit in action. Lean left! Lean right! ...Lean left again!

Take Wii Fit, for example. It's essentially a £60 set of bathroom scales that measures your weight and its distribution, replete with software-based encouragement to step on them and the odd bit of computerised heckling ("You've gained weight since your last visit - tut tut tut, fatty fatty fatty").

But hey - it's not embarrassing to buy, you're not evoking that stereotypical image of a dark rooms, repetitive, computerised sounds and teenagers with skin complexions reminiscent of your last pizza takeaway - you're gonna do EXERCISE! You're gonna get FIT!

And so along with these new demographics to target, there are also new opportunities to exploit videogame newcomers who aren't so game-savvy. They don't know or have any trust in any particular developers, they don't know the good franchises from the bad and they don't have any real precedents set for what a good game should achieve. In essence, they're a cynical producer's dream - "these idiots love their Wii Sports, why don't we make a title with 'Sports' in it ourselves? And we'll package it with tennis racquet peripherals, how very novel, they'll think it's just like real tennis, they'll love it!"

Wii tennis racquet peripherals, that are actually STRUNG. Madness.

Anything to feel that little bit more immersed in the experience, to further dispel the crazy notion of just playing a video game - anything to feel that little less geeky: "It's not a Wii controller, it's a REAL TENNIS RACQUET!"

I mean, given the dangerous levels of idiots combining Wii ownership with money and their perceived value of immersive experience-building add-ons, it's no wonder that game developers are clamouring to publish their shoddy games packaged with remote peripherals for the idiots.

Personally, I can't wait for the first Wii Boxing title that includes both a boxing glove-like extension to the remote (naturally) and a to-scale, pneumatic "Real Force Feedback!" boxing-glove-on-a-stand peripheral that punches you in the face every time it happens to your character on screen. More than anything I can't wait for the inevitable TV advert whereby the kids laugh at their bumbling Dad as he gets his teeth knocked out by the peripheral - them silly, clumsy Dads! Having said this, I can't help but feel that someone else (someone with real drive, ambition and a lot less cynicism) could probably take this idea and make it a success, especially as the waves of peripherals show no sign of abating.

''A sword and shield? Now I feel just like I really AM battling the Uruk-hai!''

With the new Wii MotionPlus accessory - that grants the Wii remote the power to do, well, exactly what it was meant to do four years ago - it's hard to see where this trend will stop. With the level of simulation proffered by the accessory far above the level of what was available before (compare the new EA Grand Slam Tennis, say, to the original Wii Sports equivalent - the latter now looking more like the rudimentary game of basic timing that it is and a far cry from the its previously much revered 'revolutionary' status), it could well herald a whole new era of silly peripherals and remote add-ons to reflect the new possibilities of games. I just hope those lazy, cynical production companies don't steal my lazy, cynical idea.

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