Micah Richards recovers from swine flu. Still suffering from idiocy.

Micah Richards, the 21-year-old England and Manchester City footballer, has recovered from a bout of the ol' swine flu. This was revealed to the world by everyone's favourite, loveable and huggable PR "guru" Max Clifford on behalf of Richards.

"When I was told I had swine flu all sorts of things started going through my mind. You see on the news people dying of it," said Richards, obviously completely oblivious to any actual facts about swine flu - like how regular year-on-year influenza deaths are down by about the same number that swine flu has amassed. I'm sure even Micah Richards and his double-digit IQ could work it out, if he got over the rather large stumbling block of reading a quality newspaper of course.

"At first I thought it was a really bad chest infection, or maybe alcohol poisoning," continued Richards. "No-one out there is so fit and healthy they can't catch swine flu. If I can get it, anyone can."

OK, so in the first instance Richards needed a little bit of knowledge about current affairs that extended further than The Sun's ever-understated headlines, for which I guess he can be forgiven - he's a footballer earning in the region of 2.5 million GBP a year, and having any sort of awareness of the world around him is clearly unnecessary for him to function (and possibly quite dangerous). But when you make the sort of mistake whereby you mention possibly having alcohol poisoning before concluding that you set the ultimate benchmark of health and fitness (for if the great Micah Richards can get swine flu, anyone can!), you're clearly a bit dim. Chances are the poor lad had already forgotten about admitting to his excessive drinking by the time that he professed his ultimate level of health a few seconds later - either way, it's not looking good for the lad.

So swine flu may not have claimed Richards this time. But let's face it, the poor boy probably doesn't have long left on this Earth. The war of attrition being waged against him by the power of natural selection will eventually lead to his own demise one way or another - maybe he'll forget to breathe, drown in his own bath tub or get his head stuck between the railings of a staircase in a secluded wing of his mansion. In the meantime, the rest of us better be worried about swine flu, because if a man with who's fairly athletic but has a strong affection for alcohol can get it and be so poorly that "friends have to bring drinks to [his] bedside," well then our slovenly selves are clearly GOING TO DIE.


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Micah Richards recovers from swine flu. Still suffering from idiocy.

While swine flu was not enough to bring down Manchester City footballer Micah Richards, it is believed idiocy could finish the job. One day.