Home Alone: Redux | The Holy Roar

Could do this with a drug addled adult Macaulay Culkin, where he's on an acid trip and just stumbles around his bedroom for 2 weeks (Home Alone: Lost in the sub-concious). That's the Rocky/Die Hard re-boot where you just continue the story. But for this one it's better as just a grittier, darker version of the source material (Batman movies), a re-imagining perhaps. So...

As Kevin McCallister took a sip from his mug of tepid water he begun to wonder whether it might have been a bad idea to smear his faeces round the living room walls quite so soon after his parents had left. It had seemed like a funny thing to do, but now the place stank and he was sure that the vision in his right eye was beginning to become a little cloudy. It had been four days since his self-important, neglecting, hateful family had left. He hadn't eaten since the first day - some pizza crusts out of the trash (being an 8 year old he obviously had no idea where the shops were). He was so hungry, he was beginning to hallucinate. The boiler in the basement turned into an all-engulfing vagina, ready to swallow him up. Eat him whole. (Kevin dearly loved Vagina's but this one scared the shit out of him)
However, not all of the bad things were hallucinations or dreams. He was pretty sure the green sludge that was oozing out of a nasty gash on his thigh was all too real. He had received the wound a few days earlier when he went looking for his brother's pornography. He didn't know why Buzz bothered hiding it, they could all hear him through the walls when he jerked off, he sounded like a pregnant rhino with a particularly acute case of constipation, attempting (unsuccessfully) to clear both blockages in one devastating blow. You could even hear him slump onto his bed afterwards, exhausted, like some sort of post-coital beached whale. The sick fuck had a real dog of a girlfriend as well (WOOF). Anyway, Kevin had climbed up some shelves, they had collapsed and he had fallen onto a splintered piece of wood. The injury hurt terribly, but he counted himself lucky - had he been struck any higher up then he would have performed a quite comprehensive amateur castration.

The day passed by uneventfully and Kevin slipped in and out of conciousness for a number of hours. He awoke shivering on the living room floor. It was dark and Kevin was terrified of the dark. He whimpered softly, wishing after all that his parents would come home. He even wished that Buzz was there. Suddenly he noticed some movement by the windows. He dared not move. There was loud crash at the back of the house. Someone was coming in. MONSTERS!! oh wait. no. BURGLARS!! oh wait. no. RAPISTS!!....oh wait. probably just burglars.......
He just sat there. Every muscle in his body was telling him to move, but he just couldn't. He heard footsteps moving closer and closer.

"Hey Harry, this place is loaded....woah!! wait!!.....there's a kid in here, I thought you said they were on vacation?"

"Jesus, so there is, I don't know, this is pretty fucked up, he's shat on the walls.....give him a tap with the crow bar and lets get out of here"

Everything went black.


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