Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine the Hulk and the Flash Combined

You changed your name to that? It's a big joke now, George Garratt, but just you wait...

Rant written by David Sandford [GreatDaney]
Published in General-Culture at 15:23 on Friday, 8th May 2009

The dumbest name change ever.

'Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine the Hulk and the Flash Combined.' AKA George.

"HAHAHAH OMG, George, you're so MENTAL, god, you're so FUNNY, fuck me right now, please?!! Yeah, put it where ever you want!"

This is what "Captain Fantastic Faster than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine the Hulk and the Flash Combined", or George Garratt as he was previously known, expected to hear when he changed his name to the above. He thought he'd wander into whatever branch of Tesco or the Co-Op he works in and the greasy, 16 year old, 6,3" blonde with the thinning hair and lazy eye who he'd been keeping tabs on for months would throw herself at him, just because he was so hilariously OFF THE WALL. Well here's what she's more likely to say:

"Who are you? Oh, you work here... that's why security never throw you out when I tell them you're looking at me like Ted Bundy on a sleepy afternoon in Colorado... you've done what? Huh? I don't get it? ...You know all the names of the super heroes? ...Gay."

So George, you're not that MENTAL, but here's the thing - YOU WILL BE. A lot of things are going to change from now on. Your brief brush with fame will soon be a long forgotten wet dream after the crushing and quite brutal combined law suit from Marvel and DC comics. Left without a house or anyone who cares you'll slowly slide into alcoholism and a quite impressively crippling addiction to heroin. Of course your "showing off" tendancies will hold you in good stead for when you're begging for change from boozed up students, who, while impressed by your anecdotes of your appearance on the BBC website and your "dirty" version of the thriller dance, want nothing more than to kick whats left of your teeth through the back of your skull.
Good luck to the combined staff of the mental health and addictions clinic who will have to scrape your shit off the walls.

Now I think about it, the name change is HILARIOUS.

Related Links:
The dumbest name change ever

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